Welcome
"Everything is okay in the end... If it's not okay, it's not the end."
即使是雨季，也总会有雨过天晴的一天=）
After that went to visit my grandma at the hospice, she's on 24 hours morphine, quite drowsy and fell asleep half way while eating. Quite a scare cuz afraid that she'll choke. Apparently dad said that the morphine takes a toll on her strength for the first day only, so it'll be better after day1.
Was talking to my bro just now,encouraging him to study harder,and exploring our Hakka roots. haha quite funny how the words managed to roll around my tongue and actually sounded quite correct. It started with "wa4 ka1 le gong4(hokkien), ngee 3 oi4 hao hao hok4 gao(go to school)(hakka)...." what a linguist I am. haha!
yeah but anw, point is that we suddenly recalled my grandma's shrill voice"zor ma-gai"(what in hakka), and that we dun hear it anymore cuz the cancer has infected her throat too. I guess that was when it really hit us right in the face what we were losing.. that human beings have this ability to shield ourselves from what hurts us most, but then reality just bits us really hard in the ass, in the most unexpected moment.. ouch>,<
When ppl are free of any responsibilities like work and studies, their mind start to roam , and think of things other then their immediate desires-of food, sleep, fun. One day when I'm old and free of any responsibilities, what will I be doing? Sewing? Arranging flowers? Cooking? I wonder if I'll still hold on to reading, since reading's been my favourite childhood and teenage pastime. Especially during rainy days! I wonder if I'll still be able to play the piano and erhu, whether my ears are still functioning and listening to Jay Chou like my parents are listening to Feng FeiFei. I wouldn't want to be sitting on the chair in my room, surrounded by the musty smell of sweat,pee and crumbs of leftover wheat biscuits, thinking of the imminent death. Death, and hoping that I'll be taken away, ending this agony of the endless waiting. I wouldnt want to trouble my grandkids by telling them what a poor thing I am because I want to die but I cant die. It sad, isn't it, to past time like that?
There is more to life than yourself and your troubles; they will shrink if you would look past them and compare to the more unfortunate others, a kid living on $2 a day seems so unfortunate compared to his friend $5, but he is much luckier than an African kid living on tree barks and grass..
Its all about comparison.