First time blogging since I came back. It seems like only yesterday that I touched down, everything seems so surreal, like a blur. The feeling's rather disturbing, I cant find a good analogy for it, but its like just when I am about to settle down comfortably to this lifestyle, the realisation that I'm leaving in 6 days' time hits me. Hard in the face. Then its back to my isolated tiny little room. Perhaps 'tis one of the things that I suddenly realise I miss when Im in China.
I guess Im a little claustrophobic in that sense. And that there's always someone in the house, the background noises became so familiar; even the whirling of the ceiling fan, the ticking of my room's clock ( come to think of it, its 10 years old already><), the noisy kids at the playground, my grandpa's constant demands for food.
I guess its the sense of familiarity, the comfort of being back at where I know my standing and place, aka my comfort zone.
Perhaps my room in China will eventually become my second home, where I slowly build my sense of identity. The pictures, the books, the clothes, even the food! The empty room feels just like me when I reached China, the whole new me where no body knows me, where I start to learn things about myself. I imagine the countless possibilities and oppurtunities. Its a journey of self-discovery. Never have I ever, ever thought that I would be in a foreign country by myself, travelling by bus and train to find sophia at silk street. Then staying a night there with her! When Soph's mum asked me if I needed to inform any one, the realisation that only I am responsible for my own actions, that I explain only to myself got to me. Then again, I had to tell my roommate Kaili that I wasnt going back, rather equivalent to family, i guess=)
No man is an island, a life without interation with others is not a life worth living at all. Its difficult, knowing that opening up to others means risking being hurt. But I think I would regret more if I hadnt given myself the chance to love and be loved=)
6 more days, and its back to school!
